Edward's New Moon
by oxdoodle
Summary: The clock tolled once and I stopped at the edge of the alley. The edge of all reason. The edge of life. A life that meant nothing to me without the very essence of my being" New Moon in Edward's perspective what he got up to during those months apart.
1. Preface

**A/N**

**Hi, this is my first fanfic so please rate and review. I am trying to follow as closely to SM's amazing book as possible and some direct quotes have been taken out, those are underlined. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

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**Preface **

The sound of the cheering crowd echoed loudly in my ears, bringing my attention to the bright light that awaited for me at end of the alleyway. A deathly light. A light that would ultimately reveal my true self to hundreds of unsuspecting human beings and hopefully be the end of my existence. I couldn't help but smile to myself at the thought of being united with the one thing that kept me tied to this universe. The one thing that _had _kept me here. My smile vanished and in its place sheer determination swept through me as I made my way to the all too inviting light. The clock tolled once and I stopped at the edge of the alley. The edge of all reason. The edge of life. A life that meant nothing to me without the very essence of my being. I closed my eyes and took a step forward just as the clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact centre point of the sky. 


	2. Birthday Girl

**A/N **

**First fan-fiction guys so please rate and review. Even if you hate it! Hope you all enjoy it and the more you rate and review the quicker I will write. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

**Enjoy :)**

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**Birthday Girl**

It tortured me to be away from her, even if it was for one night. But it was only right that it was her father, Charlie, to be the first person she saw on the morning of her birthday. I owed it, at the very least, to Charlie and Renee for giving me the most precious and valuable gift of all. Bella. The girl who completed my soulless life in every way possible, the girl whose warm and caring heart could see no fault in a damned monster and in fact loved him. Loved me.

It still amazed and sometimes horrified me how each day she could so easily forget what I was. However a part of me rejoiced and celebrated every time she stared at me with her chocolate brown eyes with love burning behind them. Or how that adorable blush of hers crept across her face every time I returned her gaze or swept a piece of hair away from her all too beautiful face. Today was definitely a day for celebrating, it was the day that the missing part of me for so many years, the other half of me, the ying to my yang, was born into this world. Destined to change me for the better.

But of course, Bella being Bella, insisted on acting like this day was any other normal day, like this day could even pretend to be any other day. But worst of all she insisted on _no_ presents. It had frustrated me, _still _frustrates me how I was forbidden to buy Bella any gifts that I desperately wanted to give her. How I wanted her to have just a little something back after she had changed my existence so permanently and was already sacrificing so much just to be with me at this moment in time. However, that wasn't going to stop me giving her a small glimpse of how much I loved her, how much I wanted to cherish her. I added the last jewel to the clear CD case before closing the lid and placing the gift inside my school bag – just in case Bella changed her mind.

I heard her thoughts before I saw her, my mind invaded by a military check-list.

_Decorations – check. Cake – check. Presents – check. Boyfriend of birthday girl – missing. _

"Alice, you know how she feels about presents, and parties and any attention in general," I said turning to the door of my bedroom where Alice stood looking surprisingly intimidating considering her size.

_Edward its not just me who is excited, have you even been paying attention to Esme's thoughts this past week? You know she thinks Bella of a daughter. And Emmett! Talk about an excited 5 year old trapped inside the wrong body. Even Carlisle... _

The rest of Alice's mental lecture went past as quiet background noise as I winced at thought of Bella being Esme's daughter, not her human daughter, a –I forced myself not to think about it. Alice misread my expression as protecting Bella from embarrassment.

_Relax, she is going to love it! Now come on lover-boy are we going to see Bella or not, because if-_

I was out of the door and in the Volvo before Alice could finish her sentence.

If I had one, my heart would have fell just slightly as I noted the empty car space across the lot from my own. But it lifted again when I heard the roar of the only '53 Chevy truck in the far distance and knew it would only be a matter of minutes. I got out of the car with the rest of my family and decided to wait next to my car like any other day. Alice had other plans.

"Where do you think you are going?" I asked as she started walking towards Bella's parking space.

"To wait for Bella and wish her happy birthday, duh!" she answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world, in truth it was.

"Alice please don't anger her, I don't want her to be in a bad mood on her birthday. You are already throwing her the party tonight, isn't that enough?"

The look she gave me clearly said no, it wasn't enough and continued to go and wait for Bella across the parking lot. I sighed, leaned against my car and decided to people watch to pass the time, how I wished Bella had a faster car. My thoughts were interrupted by a piercing glare that caught my eye and pulled my focus from the parking lot entrance to the the group of people around Tyler's van. Newton's thoughts then broke through my mental barrier and flooded my mind.

_Look at him standing there, next to his perfect shiny car, with his perfect freaky face and perfect expensive clothes. I never thought Bella would be into that, but I guess anyone can be easily swayed by a ken doll with a flashy car and serious cash. Oh well, I'm sure she will get bored of him soon enough and I'll be ready and waiting._

I could literally kill Newton, not because of what he thought of me, but because of what he though of Bella. He had no idea of how far off the truth he was, how Bella was so completely against any form of materialistic gifts. My rage was suddenly distinguished by a rushing wave of calmness that came over me and I turned to my side to see Jasper standing next to me with one arm on my shoulder. I smiled at him and whispered a quick thank you.

_Ergh! What the hell is that all about? Some sort of gay relationship going on between them. Look at how they are staring at each other! I wonder if Bella knows. _

My body rocked with laughter before I managed to control myself with an irresistible idea. I lowered my hand and gently squeezed Jasper's buttocks and then turned to Mike and gave him a wink. The look on his face was priceless. I turned back and Jasper's face mirrored that of Mike's which only triggered another set of laughter. I nodded my head over to where Mike was standing frozen and Jasper followed my nod, quickly catching on and adding in his own little moves. Jasper motioned Mike with his finger to come and join us and then suddenly ambushed Mike's emotions with a sudden feeling of desire and attraction.

_Erm, wow I never noticed how smooth and flawless their skin was, it's almost-- wait, what the fuck?! _

He quickly turned around and ran into the safety of the school building. Jasper gave me a quick high five before turning around and following Emmett and Rosalie into school explaining everything that just happened. Even with them out of sight I could hear the booming laughter that came from Emmett, he would want to get in on this later on.

My focus drifted as I heard the not so quiet rumble from Bella's truck at the entrance to the parking lot and my eyes were fixed as she made her way to her usual parking space where Alice waited for her. I grimaced as she got out and slammed the door to her truck resulting to hundreds of tiny rust specks showering her. She was angry. Well of course she was angry, this was her day and her one wish, however irrational it may be, was being ignored I decided to wait at my car hoping she would cheer up by the time she got to me, by the sounds of it that wasn't happing.

"_I _think its a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience," I heard Alice say enthusiastically.

"How many times have _you _been a senior?" Bella responded.

_Oh, I should have guessed this was why Bella didn't want to celebrate her birthday. She is worrying about getting older. Crap, Edward isn't going to be happy about this. _

Alice was right, this was the last thing I wanted on her mind on the day of her birthday, Alice must have sensed my mood as she quickly responded saying that it was different just as they reached me. I looked into the face of this beautiful creature and I just wanted to make all her worries disappear, like she did with me day after day. I held my hand out for hers and she took it eagerly, so soft and warm. She looked up at me then and I was lost in her warm chocolate brown eyes, hearing her heartbeats stutter I smiled, glad that I had the same effect on her that she had on me. I lifted my finger and traced her lips as I spoke, trying to cheer her up on one of the most significant days of the year.

"So as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" I said softly, hoping to dazzle her as she so often accused me of doing.

"Yes. That is correct." My thoughts lost themselves for a moment as her rich voice swept through me, her way of dazzling me.

"Just checking. You _might _have changed your mind. Most people seemed to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

"Of course you'll enjoy it," Alice spoke directly to Bella, "everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Getting older." 

There it was, I knew it was coming but I still couldn't prepare myself for her admitting it openly. I listened to the rest of their conversation the remain of my happiness gone. Alice tried to reassure Bella that eighteen wasn't old, but she wasn't having any of it. For goodness sake, eighteen wasn't old she still had her whole life in front of her. I was relieved when the conversation turned to another topic and after, what seemed like eternity of persuading Bella to come to her birthday party, she finally agreed and we continued our way to class. The rest of the day went by as normal, much to my frustration, but it wasn't long until we were both in her car driving to the Swan residence. Part of Bella's agreement to the party tonight was that she watched_ Romeo and Juliet _first. I knew it was just an excuse to delay going to the party, but on the other hand I was not complaining about having Bella to myself for the afternoon. I turned to the radio tried to find a decent signal, I couldn't resist in giving some slight hints to what the others had bought her.

"Your radio has horrible reception," I teased.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car,"she snapped back, I pressed my lips together restraining my smile. She hated it when I didn't find her intimidating, but it was impossible to find anything slightly intimidating in her beautiful and innocent features. I felt guilty for making her angry on her birthday, so when she parked the car outside her house I turned towards her and gentle took her face in my hands.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered, loud enough for her human ears to hear me.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?"

I smiled. Always so stubborn.

"Too bad." 

I leaned in closer, her floral scent washing through me and gently pressed my lips against hers. I tried to concentrate on not hurting her, but after a split second of lingering on her lips, Bella threw herself at me with all her force and sent my mind into overdrive. I knew that I couldn't risk any more contact and to much of my dismay I pulled back and gently unlocked her grip on me.

"Be good please," I murmured into her cheek before placing a kiss on her lips one more time and folding her arms across her stomach before she had time to react.

A few hours later I sat on the sofa with Bella curled in my arms, eyes fixed on the screen glowing in front of us. Her fragrance and warmth radiated from every part of her body and I couldn't resist gently kissing her hair and stroking her arm. The film had no interest for me, how could it when I had Bella right beside me? As the film was drawing to an end it did amuse me to see Bella upset over fictional characters who in all honest truth could not have destroyed their own happiness any more then they already had.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said, drying Bella's tears with a lock of her hair.

"She's very pretty," Bella replied with a hint of jealousy in her voice, of course she would assume I was referring to that. I made a disgusted noise to show how she had assumed wrong before explaining I was envious of the ease of suicide.

"You humans have it so easy" All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts..."

"What!" Bella gasped, cutting me off in mid sentence. I looked down at the worried expression on her face. It pained me explaining how these thoughts had crossed my mind earlier this year in spring during our time at Phoenix. The words burned in my mouth and I had to force them out while looking away from Bella's horrified face. She was evidently remembering like I was.

"Contingency plans?" Her voices brought my gaze back to her face, was she really that oblivious– could she not see why I would have had to think like this?

"Well I wasn't going to live without you," I rolled my eyes to emphasise how ridiculous her question was.

Our conversation continued until I was found myself explaining to her all about the Volturi and how Carlisle had spent some time there with the leaders; Aro, Marcus and Caius.

"Anyway you don't irritate the Volturi," I continued, "not unless you want to die" I finally added calmly. I looked back down at Bella and watched as her face turned from anger to horror.

"No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself," she said sternly, holding my face in her hands.

"But what would I do without you?"I questioned, a life without Bella was a life not worth existing in.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence" 

I sighed. "You make that sound so easy." 

I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up the drive and pulled away from Bella allowing some distance between us. Bella guessed the reason behind my actions and did the same. Charlie walked into the living room seconds later carrying a pizza box and grinning to himself.

_Just as I suspected, its nice to see that Edward makes Bella happy. Although they are looking pretty serious to me. Oh well, at least they are sitting here watching a film and not doing anything else. _

I smiled back at Charlie, he really did approve of me, which made me happy every time I heard it in his thoughts. We made our way through to the kitchen where Bella and her father ate their dinner and talked about her day. I waited for an appropriate time to ask permission to have Bella round my house for the evening and Charlie seemed as enthusiastic as Alice did this morning. Charlie reminded Bella to take photos with her new camera for her mother, Renee, before saying goodbye and heading towards the living room. Bella and I made our way to her truck and I helped Bella into the passenger seat before taking my place in the drivers seat. I tried to push over fifty, urging the engine to go faster, but the car seemed to get some sort of enjoyment out of my frustration as we crawled along the main road. Bella made a comment on my driving which lead to her asking about how money and gifts. I assured her that I had not not spent a dime on her present, but was then worried about her reactions to the other gifts my family had gotten her.

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked.

"That depends on what it is." 

I sighed before continuing, "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack and don't be too difficult. They're all very excited." 

"Fine I'll behave," she answered.

I also explained how everyone was there, including Emmett and Rosalie. Bella immediately seemed on edge after learning about my other sister's presence and I decided to change the subject.

"Isn't their anything you would like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want," I stiffened at her response before frowning at where this conversation was going. I should have stuck to the Rosalie topic.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please"

"Well maybe Alice will give me what I want." A growl escaped my lips as I thought about the idea of Alice biting Bella.

"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella" I vowed as I pulled into my driveway. We had arrived at Bella's party.


	3. Party

**A/N **

**Thank you for everyone who favourited and subscribed to this story. I was a bit disappointed with the reviews, please keep reviewing otherwise I do not have any motivation. Thank you to my friend Ella for giving me some ideas for the previous chapter. As well as my mum for proof reading each chapter (she is a big twilight fan.) All quotes that come directly from New Moon are underlined, most of them are things characters say. All characters belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer. **

**Enjoy :) **

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**Party**

Bella let out a moan as she registered the Japanese lanterns hanging from the porch and the large bowls of pink roses leading up towards the front door. I inhaled deeply trying to calm myself and turned to face Bella.

"This is a party. Try to be a good sport," I pleaded as I got out the car and made my way round to the passenger door to offer Bella my hand.

"Sure." She paused before continuing,"I have a question." 

I hesitated looking into her eyes, she promised me, she promised no more.

"If I develop this film, will you show up in the pictures?"

I stared at her for a second before bursting into laughter when I realised she was referring to the earlier pictures she took of Charlie, myself and her earlier this evening. I guided her up the steps and through the door, but my laugher just increased until finally I had to steady myself on the door as I closed it behind us. Bella gave me a strange look before looking to the glowing living room, realising how worried she was, I sorted myself out and encircled my hand in hers as we made our way into the living.

My family awaited illuminated by the countless of candles that scattered the room. Surrounding them included a huge pink birthday cake, presents, bowls of crystals and many other ridiculous decorations. I sensed Bella's distress as she tensed next to me and felt guilty. This wasn't fair to put her through this on her day. But once Alice got going she was like the weather, no one could control her. I wrapped a reassuring arm around Bella's waist and kissed her delicate head as my parents approached us to wish Bella a happy birthday.

_I wonder if I could make her trip. Hmm that's a bit harsh, but I want her to do something funny. I've got it – I could pretend that my present is a strip tease. I wonder how she would react to that. _

I turned to Emmett who was approaching Bella and myself and gave him a firm look.

_On second thoughts I'll just stick the present we already got her. Besides Rose wouldn't be too happy and I doubt Carlisle and Esme would approve. Aww man, I just want something funny to happen, I missed it this morning. _

"You haven't changed at all. I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always" Emmett said with mock disappointment. He then scooped up Bella out of my arms and into a big bear hug. I went to grab her back to safety, but then stopped. Emmett knows to be careful with her, all of my family do, no one would hurt her.

"Thanks a lot Emmett_,"_Bella laughed, blushing a deeper red. Oh how I loved that blush.

"I have to step out for a while, don't do anything funny while I'm gone," he said while giving Alice a wink. Subtle.

Alice ushered Bella towards the the table with the cake and all the presents declaring it was present time. I followed behind, looking into the helpless of my other family members, and stood next to Bella. She opened up the first present that was thrust into her hands and looked confused when she saw the box. Why was she confused? Could she not see that it was a radio? She opened up the box and her face of confusion deepened as she took in the empty box.

"Um...thanks."

_Ha look at her face, she actually thinks we got her an empty box? I may be a bitch but I'm not that much of a bitch. _

I turned to look at Rosalie who actually had a smile on her face for once.

"It's a stereo for your truck," Jasper explained, "Emmett's installing it now so you can't return it." 

Bella looked amused as she looked from Rosalie, to Jasper and then finally to Alice. Shaking her head she smiled at the empty box before speaking.

"Thanks Jasper, Rosalie" she continued louder, "thanks Emmett!" 

His laughter raced through the house from outside which was joined by Bella's glorious chuckling.

Alice handed our present to Bella next and I was suddenly worried, not because we had gone against her wish about getting her presents, but more because I hoped she liked the present. Bella turned and gave me an accusing look.

"You promised!" 

I opened my mouth to answer just as Emmett crashed into the living room and pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer, to get a better look no doubt.

"Just in time," he chuckled.

I turned towards Bella and assured her that I didn't spend a dime as I brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She inhaled deeply and asked Alice to give her the present. Rolling her eyes at me she stuck her finger under the edge of the paper to rip it open. Honestly she could be so melodramatic sometimes, it was only a small gift, why did she have to be so difficult? If only-

The scent crashed into me like a wave, drowning me in its delicious aroma. I looked down at Bella and saw the tiniest amount of blood escape from the paper cut that had sliced her skin open, revealing the tempting substance that flowed through her body. The flames scorched through my throat and I turned around to see I was not the only one. In less then half a second I saw the vision in Alice's head and turned to face Jasper. His face briefly twisted in deliberating before changing into pure desire, desire for Bella's blood.

"No!" I roared as I threw my body into Bella crashing her into the table and scattering the cake and presents. Jasper slammed into me and bounced back before coming back trying to dodge my fixed barrier. Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind locking him into a massive steel grip. Knowing Emmett was not going to let go of Jasper I stupidly relaxed. Only to find the scent more powerful sending urges of fire up through my body and into my throat, releasing the monster within. Looking around slowly, Bella laid there blood trickling down her arm. Unarmed and with nothing standing in my way of the most delicious blood in the universe.


	4. Dangerous Love

**A/N **

**Thank you for all the hits and reviews :) here is the next chapter. I am having so much fun writing these and I simply love it when I find people have reviewed my chapters. Please, please, please review!!! Also sorry for all the direct quotes from New Moon, but when we get to Edward leaving and what he will be doing during those months apart it will be all my work :) **

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

**Enjoy :)**

**Dangerous Love **

Gliding over to where the blood floated on the floor, the monster inside me roared and raged inside the steel cage that contained him.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside," ordered a familiar voice, pulling me out of my darkness and forcing me to focus on the fragile girl beneath me. I crouched over the girl who laid there bleeding, because of me. Staring down into Bella's eyes I felt the pain shoot through me, how could we have done this to her? She trusted my family. Then I realised – it wasn't my family's fault. They weren't the ones who insisted Bella be apart of our lives, they weren't the ones who risked her safety every day, they weren't the ones who wouldn't change her. The scent of the blood crashed into me again and I knew I couldn't chance it. Holding my breath I looked back into Bella's face – no doubt if I were able to I would cry.

"Let me by Edward," Carlisle said, I turned around and realised that Alice, Bella, Carlisle and myself were the only ones left in the room. I didn't notice the others leave.

_Edward, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I didn't see this. If only I was paying attention to the future instead of insisting she open those presents. You're right Edward, I'm sorry. _

Alice thoughts were filled with pain and regret, I just looked at her but couldn't force myself to speak. Before I knew it Carlisle was saying something about taking Bella into the kitchen and I cautiously lifted Bella out of her bloody pool and carried her to the kitchen placing her in the chair gently, all the while Carlisle kept pressure on her arm as Alice followed. I stood next to her protective, in case Alice couldn't control herself. I wanted to stroke her hair, kiss her forehead, hold her hand, anything that showed her I was here for her and that I will protect. But my body wouldn't move. Of course I couldn't protect her, if I could she wouldn't be her sitting with Carlisle picking glass out of her arm.

"Just go Edward," Bella sighed, she was disappointed, I failed her.

"I can handle it," I insisted

"You don't need to be a hero, Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air," she said, wincing as Carlisle pulled a thick piece of glass out of her arm.

"I'll stay," I said blankly.

"Why are you so masochistic?"

"Edward you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now" Carlisle said wisely and Bella agreed as did Alice. I eyed them all wondering why they wanted to get rid of me so quickly.

_He's too fast, neither Emmett or I can keep up with him. Sorry Edward I tried to get him to stay. _

Rosalie's thoughts made me realise that I was the only one who could catch up with Jasper and probably the only one he would listen to. But who could I listen to? I looked back into Bella's eyes before sprinting out the back door. I passed Emmett and Rosalie on my way to the woods and they were talking to me in their minds.

_I'm so sorry Edward, I should have been paying more attention. I should have reacted quicker and stopped him. _Emmett was riddled with guilt.

"It's not your fault Emmett" was all I managed to say before I picked up my pace as I darted into the darkness of the forest.

I immediately picked up his scent and followed it deeper into the woods. The aroma of deer blood lingered in the air and I realised that Jasper was hunting. I stalked the smell and came into a small clearing that was sectioned off by three over grown moss covered trees. In the middle of the clearing laid a family of deer massacred and drained of all the blood, I sniffed the air and looked up into the trees. There in the second tree was a crouched silhouette sitting on one of the branches. I scaled up the tree and went to sit on the branch next to Jasper, looking down at the family of dead deer. I never really thought about the animals we killed for blood, but after tonight I did think. I thought about the possible relationships animals were capable of and I thought about the amount of relationships we, as vampires, ruined and destroyed. Jasper looked up and turned to me and I felt a ray of happiness overcome me.

"No, please Jasper. I don't want to feel anything else," I pleaded. Jasper nodded and let my pain and guilt rush through me again.

_Edward...I can't find the words to describe how—how- sorry I am. I am not asking for forgiveness because I know I don't deserve it. But I just want you to know, that I would never want to hurt Bella, she is like a sister to me. And I am sorry that I have caused you this pain, I know how much she means to you. _

"Jasper," I said surprisingly calmly, "It's not your fault. I forgive you."

_Edward, no. I don't deserve your forgiveness, of course it's my fault – please don't let me off so easily, I promise- _

"Jasper!" I cut him off, "If I didn't fall in love with Bella and force her to be involved in this life we wouldn't be in this situation. So it's not your fault!"

_You can't help who you fall in love with and as for forcing Bella into this life. Everyone knows that is the last thing you did – Bella wants to be part of this family and it was her choice to be involved. _

"So you are saying she had this coming?!" I snapped back.

_No, Edward, no! I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. _

I realised what I had just done and hated myself for it.

"Sorry Jasper, I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I know you didn't mean it that way," Jasper winced at the word snap. I looked back down at the family of deer and the pain ripped through me, I couldn't put Bella in danger again. How would I survive if I were to loose her. Even worse, how would I survive if it was one of us who hurt her. I was torn between two solutions.

_Edward, what is wrong? You're emotions are all over the place._

I turned to Jasper, should I tell him? After I beat I decided – of course I would tell him, he was my brother.

"I have two solutions," I began, "a) turn Bella into one of us."

_Finally you have come round, you know how much she wants to become one of us. That is the perfect solution. _

"I haven't finished, b) we leave," I stated.

Jasper simply stared before releasing his thoughts into my mind.

_Edward! What are you thinking?! I've felt your love for one another, you can't, you just can'. It will kill you! _

"Better me then her," I replied.

_No. That is ridiculous, after all that has happened you can't just give up. What about her? What about how Bella will feel. Do you have any idea what that will do to her! _

"That's why I am torn Jasper! I need time to think things through!"

_Fine, give it time. But you know as well as I do that option B just isn't an option. _

"Well neither is option A then"

_Please, just promise me you will talk to the rest of the family about this. _

"Fine, I promise," I paused, "Carlisle is nearly done, I'm going to take Bella home." I jumped down from the tree and ran across the clearly. Looking back I noticed that Jasper had not moved.

_I don't think I'm ready to go back yet. Sorry. _

"I understand, want me to send Alice over?" I asked.

_Yes please. _

I set of running back towards the house and within a matter of minutes I was standing by the back door listening to Carlisle finish his conversation with Bella.

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward" Carlisle said filled with pride.

Carlisle had too much faith and trust in me, I looked down ashamed in myself.

"I suppose I should take you home now," he continued, this was my cue.

"I'll do that," I said walking through the door and into the kitchen. I ensured my face was showed no emotion – I couldn't give Bella any hint at how much I was hurting. How I was contemplating our lives together.

"Carlisle can take me."

Her reply burned through me, was she really that frightened of me that she couldn't trust me to be alone with her?

"I'm fine," I said blankly, I gave her some excuse about changing and Charlie before walking out of the kitchen to find Alice. I avoided the rest of my family and charged up the stairs to find Alice in her and Jasper's bedroom.

"Jasper is in the forest-"

_In the second tree in the clearing. I can see, I'll go find him as soon as I've seen you and Bella off. _

Alice stood up from her computer and crossed the bedroom to where I was standing in the door frame. One second we were both staring at each other, the next she was hugging me tightly.

_Edward, please think this through. I know you are hurting but I keep getting glimpses and I don't like what I'm seeing. Just think things through _

"I will," I whispered.

The next ten minuted went by in a blur as I waited for Bella by the front door while she changed into Esme's shirt and said goodbye to the rest of my family. All the while my mind was racing through the different possibilities and time after time I came back to the same two solutions. I opened the door and walked with Bella in silence to my car, my thoughts still racing and speeding around my head. I opened the passenger door and helped her into the car, buckling her seatbelt before proceeding to my own seat. I looked back at my house and thought how much had changed in one single night. After closing my eyes and letting out a quiet sigh I pulled out of the drive and drove off into the darkness with Bella by my side.


End file.
